Millennial Issues With Dating in 2018!
As a single young black male in a big city, I’ve noticed that most of the issues with dating in this era come from external sources. When things are not going well in your dating life, you can tend to question yourself. It can lead to self-esteem issues which transfer into awkward interactions with a potential love interest. After several conversations with friends and the opposite sex, I came up with some definite reasons of why dating is problematic now.
Social Media has been a double-edged sword in every aspect of our lives. In the dating realm, it has made it easier to meet people but harder to actually maintain a relationship. Dating on the internet became popular in the early 00’s with social sites such as BlackPlanet. It allowed people to create a profile of themselves from their own perspective. The ability to create your own perception of yourselves led to many problems when it came to meeting someone on this site. Their pictures could be fake, and they can even lie about their gender and careers. On the flipside of the lies, you can also learn so much about a person from one scroll of their facebook or twitter account. Lurking has taken the place of communicating and asking questions about someone. DM’s took the place of walking up and introducing yourself. Communication is now online instead of in person. The problems of online dating started way before the dating apps. The dating apps just enhanced the issues.
Dating apps stemmed from the need for instant gratification from millennials. The use of personal computers remains relevant but it’s better to have the internet in your hand for instant use. Yes, we’ve become spoiled and disguised it as a convenience. So how does this translate to dating? Dating apps serve the purpose of meeting someone quick and going through about thirty candidates in ten minutes. I still can’t believe that we’ve become so shallow when it comes to dating. Apparently, we can judge if a person is worthy enough by a tinder profile. When did the value of someone’s personality be based on a “swipe right?” Are we really that disposable to the opposite sex? I guess if you are not a worthy candidate on the app, they can find someone else to satisfy their “standards.” Also, I really hate the idea of having to compete for someone’s affection.
The “standard” concept is by far the most annoying thing to me in today’s age of dating. Everyone has a standard that is probably based on an old way of thinking. Traditional standards have plagued many relationships in my opinion. In traditional standards, it’s expected for the male to be the breadwinner and to make all of the decisions. This is still a factor when it comes to dating. For some, this might be a perfect concept. Does this concept work for everyone? What if the woman he’s dating makes the most money and is better equipped to make decisions for the relationship? Society would view him as less of a man and crucify her for carrying the load. The pressures put on men and women to live up to a standard can cause rifts in relationships. Gender roles should really be ruled out at this point. Let’s go through a quick scenario. A guy & a girl in their 20’s are going on a date. The guy is expected to pay by traditional standards. He says you guys are splitting the bill. I’ve had discussions with some women who stated that would be the last time they would ever go on a date with him because they had to split the bill. I blame it on tradition. Our generation is in a weird transition from tradition/influence to establishing our own way of doing things.
Here’s one more example of this “standard” that annoys me. Why are males still expected to “fish” for a possible companion in 2017 where everyone is consumed in themselves? Men are still expected to approach a woman. compliment her, and ask for her number to become a candidate. Why is it a bad thing for a woman to approach a man to date? We shun women who go after what they want in dating. I feel this is so played out. We might have more successful relationships if women approached men too. Unfortunately, there’s a label that comes with women who are aggressive. (Thirsty!) The same word that killed chivalry from men. There is a difference between the two.
The last piece of the pie is our childhood influences. Around the time our parents were young adults, they were experiencing the Ronald Reagan Era. The area that was filled with drugs and mass incarceration. Some of our influences dealt with drug addictions and fathers were snatched from homes and put in jails. Which means you either had no father or didn’t get to see a healthy relationship in your youth. Disclaimer, this isn’t for everyone. If you had your father in your life and saw a healthy relationship, you are the minority in this case. Most of us only have our grandparents to look at for inspiration if that even worked out. Single mothers have to play the father role. Young men were never taught how to be “men.” The cycle of black love we cherished was broken. This is why we need to do away with tradition. Who were the father figures for millennials? Was it the big cousin or uncle that influenced him to be a womanizer? Did she lose hope for love by watching the mistakes her mother made? Maybe she decided to follow in the footsteps of her mother by going from man to man. I see it in today’s children too. The fathers or father figures are negative influences and the grandmother is stepping in for the mother on several occasions to mold young girls. The influences are relevant.
We are just dealing with the effects of the system and have no clear idea on how to fix this. Until then, gender roles will be blurred. It’s okay for that to happen. Everyone has a different upbringing that has shaped them for better or for worse. In my opinion, we need to get back to taking things slow with dating and focus on one person at a time. In short, we need to put the phones down. What are your opinions on this topic? Let me know in the comment section!!
Stay True. Stay Real. Stay Black. – Trenton | Instagram/Twitter: @TrentonxPratt
Trenton Pratt22 Posts
Trenton Pratt is an experienced media personality hailing from St. Louis, MO. His journey as a media personality started back in 2012 with the development of a weekly YouTube entertainment series titled "The Vision." The YouTube series garnered over 70k views in only one year. Trenton's natural connection with the viewers led to him becoming a staple host at several live events around his hometown while he took a step away from the YouTube scene. Finally, Trenton's gravitating personality and infectious smile will be stepping back in front of the camera and behind the keyboard. He's still the same person... Just A Better Brand!